Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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