I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
