i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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