I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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