well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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