"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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