i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
