Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
