Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
