Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
