I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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