I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
