i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
