he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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