we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
