so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
