you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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