went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
