The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
