some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
