hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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