I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
