Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
