I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
