i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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