so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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