I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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