I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
