There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
