just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
