Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
