i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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