i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
