I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's official drugs can't kill me
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
