Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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