Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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