I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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