Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
