I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
