just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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