You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
