i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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