I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
