my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
