you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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