When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
