Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
