you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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