I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
