Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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