Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
