I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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