I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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