I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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