Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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