He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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