sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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