Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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