the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
