So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
