I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
