I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
