Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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