Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you will always have a special place in my vag
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
