im six kinds of drunk right now
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
