You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
