I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
