don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize