Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
