apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
