I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
